running on empty

i've been awake since 8AM sunday morning.  went to mass at 9, went back home and did some finishing touches on the CD i was working on for our department's anniversary party which i'm the head of the organizing committee.  went to the office at 3PM, picked up some colleagues who volunteered to help with decorating the venue we're using and a projector we'll be using for the party.  went to the party venue at 4PM, set everything up, had an early dinner before the party started at a small eatery next to the venue.  party started at 8PM.  it was a blast, yet i didn't enjoy it much because i wasn't able to drink booze due to me having work at 3AM.  i left the party at 1:30AM and here i am, just starting my shift.  both my thighs hurt from the basketball game i played saturday afternoon at the company's sportsfest, for which i'm now experiencing sharp pain when standing up, sitting down, using the stairs, walking briskly, and even have a minor discomfort while driving.

both my legs feel like dead weights with the pain i'm having, my body feels like it's going to just collapse due to the need for sleep, i just came from a kick-ass party i organized which i didn't drink even one shot of alcohol (which i really need….badly), i'm just starting my shift, i've been awake for 20 hours now, and to top it off…  i feel down and depressed.

i really need someone to talk for quite some time now.  i guess it's just one of those days again, but better than just one compared to a multitude of days feeling the same way.  sometimes, parrying things that make you sad can take it's toll on you.  so somebody, anybody….  please, spare me your listening ear, kindness and understanding…and a few liters of any alcoholic drink if you can…  brew?  liz?  cher?  reggie?  erlyn?  trina?  anyone?  please?  help….

*sigh* nothing really beats listening to beauty and madness while driving in the rain….

coming and going

it's always sad to see a friend leave home shores for a chance at a better career.  what's even more sad is you rarely get to see that friend as it is, and then you learn that he/she is leaving.  a dear friend left for the middle east monday morning.  i learned of his impending move the night before, while reading a friend's blog.  good thing he was online on YM that night and i was able to chat with him for a couple of minutes.  he was going to dubai on a possible permanent job offer.  according to him, if his bosses like the work he does, then he'll be there for a long time.  he and some of our common friends had a short get-together earlier that night and i wasn't notified.  i would've jumped at the chance to be there since we rarely see each other.  sadly though, i didn't receive a message regarding that small going away party.  so to my dear friend yabz, i wish you the best of luck and hope you keep in touch.

on the brighter side though, another friend who left the country a couple of months ago returned home last week.  though i seldom write comments, it's always nice to read her experiences and how she lived life in another part of the world on her blog.  ironically, we're just five minutes drive apart from where we live, and we can't even get together for a chat over a cup of coffee, though we managed to do so before.  at least now that she's here, i'm looking forward to having fun discussions again with her.  so to liz, welcome back!  i do really hope to see you one of these days. 

it's only wednesday, but i'm already feeling pressure of having a tight schedule for the coming weekend.  on saturday, a company sportsfest opening in the afternoon, a basketball and volleyball game following immediately after, and a godson's birthday party in the evening; then on sunday, there's the move to DST on my work shift, an off-site department anniversary party which i'm heading the preparations for which will also be on sunday night, so that means i'll be at the party venue starting sunday afternoon to oversee preparations, to the party proper, until the party ends and then go straight to work.  whew!  i hope i still have enough left to last until the mid-week holiday next week of which i'm taking another two-day vacation on top of my rest days.  until then, hope everyone has a fun-filled, pressure-free week! 

a new beginning… again

welcome to my new blog site.  after weeks of customizing the layout and choosing from different types of designs, i finally decided on what you see here.  i actually went through three different layout-drafts and had difficulty deciding on which would be my inaugural template.  all of what you see here is built-in, so there's no third party hook up involved.  please do feel free to post your comments on the site either on the tagboard on the bottom right hand side of the page, or through the usual comments link.

i decided to launch my new blogsite today.  i thought of pushing it back to my anniversary when i started blogging, but it's still at least a month out, so i ruled out on that.  plus, the significance launching it today is that today also marks my first year anniversary at work.  a year ago today, i started to work for a company i have been trying to get into for close to a year while i was with my former center.  and i've been having a blast since then.  i guess another milestone for today is aside from my first year anniversary at work, it also marks one whole year that i have reported to work without any absences or tardiness recorded against me.  i never imagined in my entire professional career that i'll be coming to work every single day for one whole year!  and by heaven's good graces, i accomplished that.  my next target is for me to continue working without any absences or tardiness until the end of this year.  not that i'll go awol after that, but it's something that i thought i'd try to achieve.  i did had my share of days when i got sick, but as long as i can drive or walk around, i'd always come to work.  i guess the difference from my previous work is that i just enjoy the work i have right now compared to the hell i endured the last time.

despite all this blog re-launch, one year anniversary and such, is it really a new beginning for me?  i always asked that to myself during the times that i was going over which template should i use and wondered, "would this be really a start of something new?"  if you would notice my header above, which came from a line of one of my favorite songs, it perfectly describes how things are going for me.  always looking for ways to get it right whenever a personal setback comes my way, but would it be always like that?  we all learn from our mistakes, but why is it that we unconsciously commit new ones after?  or even if we do get it right, why does it, in one way or another tend to not go our way?  i guess these questions will remain unanswered as all of us go through our existence and will tag it as one of the few unsolved mysteries in which our seemingly feeble intellect would able to comprehend.

again, welcome to my new blog.  hopefully this will be my permanent home.  please update your links on your blogs (if you do have a link to my blog).  there are still bugs in the system which i have to sort out, especially on the links section where spaces mysteriously appear whenever i save the links to your blogs, but better have a working link than none at all.  hope you enjoy the new look and here's hoping to more of your visits as well.  and by the way, if you're gonna ask me why i chose the teddy bear with the headphones, it's quite simple:  a teddy bear is like a companion where you can share your secrets with, or air your frustrations to, which signify how i am as a friend; and who loves music, hence the headphones.  =)  enjoy!

new blog site

i have finished my new blog site. please go to http://markie.i.ph for the new version. i'll keep this account open primarily for archiving purposes. i'll also have to do some manual archiving to be on the safe side. i thank the good people at ebloggy for hosting my blog for free for the past two and a half years. i'll always be grateful to this site for being a part of my online life. again, thank you.

please update your links. again the site is http://markie.i.ph. hope to hear from all of you there. thanks.

of dreams, wishes, and christmas spirits

a couple of weeks ago, i posted an entry regarding whether or not to pursue my dream of becoming a radio disc jockey by auditioning in season three of rx 93.1's radio idol. after going over the thought, i decided not to push for it, thus retiring that particular dream. given the current career that i have, not to mention the schedule, i felt that i will be having a difficult time (if ever) balancing work with the idea of chasing a dream. though it is with a heavy heart that i decided to forego one of the things i most wanted to do, i look at it in two ways: one, that the timing of the audition is not one that would, let's say, play a major role in influencing me to start rehearsing my once mastered on-air lines and brave through the hundreds of would-be applicants in the audition line; and two, not enduring the self-absorption of pity that i would give myself should i not make it even past the initial stage, and not having the "see-i-told-you-so,-you-should'nt-have-wasted-your-time-going-through-all-that-when-in-the-three-times-(okay,-four)-that-you-tried,-nothing-happened,-so-what-does-that-tell-you?" thought running through my head everyday for the next three weeks after the no-call by the radio station. yet i'm not entirely that sad in letting go of a dream. i did try several times in the past, so i guess that's enough. a heartfelt gesture of gratitude goes to -a- for reminding me through the tagboard about the audition. and coming from someone who has actually been there made it even more heartwarming in the sense that that person knew that i wanted to work in radio and encouraged me to try. again, thank you. no amount of what if's would make me regret my decision. to whoever it is that would make it, best of luck to you. with that, this officially ends my quest of becoming a radio jock. all my music playing from now on will be relegated in the confines of my room, the PC, and the car. well, unless a top official from a radio station (one that i listen to or am comfortable with their format) personally calls me up and offers me the job directly, then that would automatically make me think. but that happening would be a case of wishful thinking now, wouldn't it?

it's now 77 days until christmas. my favorite time of the year. though it is one big irony that yes, it is my favorite time of the year, and yes, it is the only time of the year where i'm at my most happiest, yet it's also the time when i feel the loneliest. yeah, i know it's mushy and corny, but that's how it is. but don't get me wrong, i AM happy during the yuletide season, it's just not for myself. this is where i spend money on gifts for family, friends, colleagues, godchildren, of which i think half should've gone to my significant other. that is, IF i have one. a year after my ex and i broke up, my christmas wish then was for someone new. and i wished that every christmas for the next five years. and since then, i stopped wishing for reasons that were fairly obvious–nothing was coming out of the wish i was making. so then i started wishing that women who i have fallen for have the happiness that they want, even if they hurt me in the end. i don't know what made me make that wish, but since then, i never stopped having that wish. in fact, that wish transcended into a prayer i made whenever i receive communion during sunday mass. though i'm not that religious, i still believe in divine intervention. with that, i would like to share this prayer to everyone for reasons that are my own. here goes:

dear Lord, i receive this communion of Your body not for my sake, for i am not worthy, being a sinner. but may the graces and blessings of this Holy bread i receive go to the women who have touched my heart and whom i loved wholeheartedly, (say name(s) here). grant them the happiness that they want and deserve, the peace of mind they long for, the love that they need, and the health that they cherish. send Your Holy Spirit to bless them and guide them in the decisions that they do, send my own guardian angel for their protection in times of danger and adversity, and let no harm come to them, for their sadness would also be my own. look upon them with love and forgive them for their sins. keep them safe Lord as you have always done for them, Amen.

i have been saying this prayer every time i hear mass for close to five years now and will continue to do so. i guess women continue to come into my life and then leave me so that i may pray for them. but kidding aside, i have never heard of any unfortunate incident with the women who i pray for, so i guess it's working. back to christmas, i'm guessing that it'll be the same this year. the only good thing about it i guess will be my budget will be a bit bigger that last year's. so that either means more gifts to buy or more expensive ones. it's the start of the christmas season (well, at least for me)! time for me to be happy again. =)

post-storm ranting

with almost half the country still shell-shocked from the storm this past week, another one is fast approaching with the same threat that it might pass over metro manila. and with repairs and restoration still ongoing, one might wonder if we can withstand another lashing of one of nature's most violent creations.

yet that's a different story. it is often said that when man is pressed against difficult and challenging times, it brings out the best in him. or something like that. it is also said (well, at least what i have heard) is that filipinos are the most resilient people in the world. that we can adapt to any situation we're given. true to the fact that when hard times fall upon us, we can still smile and see the light at the end of the tunnel and even make jokes about how to get there.

that being said, i guess i'm feeling a bit shocked (though i think appalled is the best term to use) at two things i have seen at the aftermath of the storm. i know i'll be getting some heat with what i am about to say, but this is based on what i understand and what i have been through. of course also taking into consideration what the general public might (and i emphasize on the word might) be also seeing and what they're actually going through. again, feel free to share your views; there are no restrictions, and see what you have to say about these two things:

first, the sudden increase in hotel bookings (to the point that these establishments start to turn clients away due to no more available rooms) by people wanting to continue their "normal" way of life. it just saddens me that people are so accustomed to having a life of leisure and comfort that when a power outage of such a magnitude like this past weekend happens, they would readily spend thousands of pesos to go check into a hotel. and for what? just to take showers and sleep? heck, i took a shower with a candle on and slept with just the windows open and i had no problem with it whatsoever! i remember the power crisis back in the early 90s and nothing like this happened. people adjusted their way of life around the daily blackouts that occurred. why can't they do that now? some of my colleagues actually invited me to join them last friday in doing the same so that we can share the expenses. i literally said, "what?!" that idea never crossed my mind. so what if the power is out for a couple of days? deal with it! sacrifice a little! this doesn't include people who have generators in their homes. if it's been there all along, that's fine, use them. but for those who only thought about getting a proper (read: normal) shower and slept without sweating by checking into hotels, i really don't understand the need to do that. i just don't. you may say that i'm damn lucky because we're one of the first ones to have electricity restored, but here's the truth: if we were one of the last ones, i would've just stayed home, waited it out and say that life is like that. these things happen and we should just roll with the punches. plain and simple.

secondly, the billboard fiasco. no, i'm not agreeing with what bayani fernando is saying that billboards should be banned along edsa and that owners of fallen billboards should be charged in court. what the hell is he thinking?!?! i mean, if ALL the billboards fell, maybe i would somehow, in the very least agree with him. but the fact is, there are still billboards left standing and unscathed. heck, i even saw billboards on top of buildings which were taller than most giant billboards, and they were still standing! whether or not strong materials were used, or the billboards that were left standing were constructed in a different way, the thing is, a storm brought them down. on a normal day, if these giant billboards were made from "sub-standard" material, they would've fallen on their own, wouldn't it? it's just nature wrecking havoc on the city. and of course, there will be damage. one good thing i heard is that the family of the person who got killed when a billboard fell into the truck he was driving decided not to press charges against the billboard owner(s). and rightfully so. this reminds me of the stampede on a noontime show that happened early this year and that the families of those who were killed pressed charges against the organizers for "negligence." i wrote an entry saying that it was an accident, so therefore, no charges should be filed. same goes with what happened here. the family members of the truck driver have more rational thinking combined than that of the chairman of the metro manila development authority and the senators who filed a resolution banning the construction of billboards along major thoroughfares. they claim that it's an eyesore, a road hazard?? how can it be one when it's used for marketing purposes? it serves it's purpose by being visible. now, if the number of accidents are rising due to drivers taking time looking at these billboards while driving, shouldn't the driver himself or herself be the one who should be disciplined and not punish marketing people for doing their jobs? i don't get it, i just really don't get it.

thankfully i got those out of my chest. makes me feel a whole lot better. going back to the new storm approaching, i have learned that there's a 50-50 chance of it passing through the capital later this week. let's just hope for the best, yet expect the worst. right now, i'm quite excited with the responses of people reading this and see what they think. there goes my rant for the week. i rarely do this, so please bear with me. =)

storm tales

"it's sometimes better to be lucky than good."

i decided to start my entry with that quote simply because i have been riding on luck for the past couple of days. with the strongest typhoon to have a direct hit in metropolitan manila in 11 years still reeling from everyone's minds, my family and i have been fortunate enough (read: lucky) to recover from it faster than most people. i don't know how else to recount what actually went down, so here's a day-by-day recollection of events during the storm and its aftermath:

wednesday night, septmber 27th: coming off a three-day respite from work, i was scheduled to resume my duties on my usual schedule at 2:00 AM (technically thursday). i already had an idea that the typhoon will hit the metropolis on thursday morning, but i had no second thoughts of not reporting to work that night so i reported to work as any other day.

thursday morning, september 28th, 6:30AM: it's my lunch break. ever since arriving at the office, i had updates on the storm on my PC and learned that metro manila will be in the direct path of the storm, with the eye passing by the southern areas (las pinas and paranaque, specifically the bicutan area) at around noontime. i accompanied a colleague outside and surveyed the skies. the clouds were moving fast on an eastward direction. no rain was falling and the wind was blowing like on a normal windy day. my shift ends in a couple of hours and i was anticipating (at that time, since no storm had hit the capital in recent memory) just some gustiness while driving home. i was still relaxed and did not think much about it.

thursday morning, september 28th, 10:30AM: the storm was far stronger than i anticipated. i was finishing writing a blog entry (my previous one) and looked outside from time to time. trees were bending from the fierce winds and rain was falling sideways. my boss called in (she had gone home for the day hours earlier since she had an earlier shift) and reminded us of the safety concerns for the people ending their shift at that time. my concern at that time was that my car was parked a good 100 feet from the side entrance of the building with trees and a construction area around it, and with the strength of the storm, it could be a sitting duck for flying debris. still i just shrugged the danger off and continued to finish my shift.

thursday morning, september 28th, 11:00AM: end of my shift. it never, ever crossed my mind to stay at the office and wait for the storm to pass. i headed down to the lobby as i would in any normal day and stepped out. there was a company shuttle in the driveway waiting for employees who use public transport to be brought safely to the nearest terminal which was about a kilometer and a half away. amidst the rain and winds, i looked for my car in the area where it was parked. it was still there, unscathed. without hesitation, i ran towards it. i remember seeing leaves scatter around the air as the wind blew and several trees already brought down by it. i got to my car, and off i went. i decided to take the service road since the risk of taking the expressway was that i was inclined to go at a faster rate of speed, thus have little time to react if anything flying came right in front of me, compared to going at a much slower pace. now, i don't know why, but for some strange reason, at that time that i was driving, i was actually enjoying it. maybe i was more alert and more aware of the things going on around the car that i spent almost half of the entire time driving, if not more, looking at the surrounding areas. i even counted seven billboards that were already down as i passed by and marveled at how the strength of the storm managed to topple those giant marketing structures. yet there were other billboards that remain standing. better construction perhaps? branches of trees and trees themselves lined up the road, yet it did not cause any traffic jam. my mom actually called me up on my mobile phone asking where i was. she kind of freaked out when i told her that i was driving and asked why i didn't stay at the office. i said that i just wanted to go home, period and was reminded to take extra care. i arrived home safely and to no electricity (which was expected) and that's when the storm had reached its peak and was blowing like crazy. with nothing else to do, i just went straight to bed, thankful for arriving home safe.

thursday night, september 28th: woke up in the midst of darkness as i prepared for another shift. normally, businesses would be closed but for the call center industry, it's business as usual. driving to work was also quite an experience as i saw the damage up close and personal. electric posts toppled, old trees destroyed, garbage littered, and miles and miles of darkness. it was like driving around a ghost town with no people in sight. except for a few who had generators, all i saw was my headlights pointing to the road and the debris. this time, i took the expressway, thinking that there might be more storm debris scattered at the service road. i arrived at the office and learned that two employees from our department weren't as lucky driving home as i was, with the windshields of their vehicles being hit by flying sheets of metal. fortunately, they were not hurt. stories upon stories of how people were affected by the storm filled the floor. there was a "charging station" set up for mobile phones since homes were without power. news of homes enduring blackouts throughout the weekend floated around and some of my colleagues even thought of checking in to a hotel or motel just to sleep comfortably. i thought that it was a crazy idea since it would entail spending a significant amount of money, not to mention the fact that other people already thought of it, thus making the establishments fully booked. though work was still normal, all of us had a story or two to tell on how we weathered the storm.

friday morning, september 29th: i went home after my shift and there was still no electricity. good thing i charged my phone at the office, but signal was still difficult to establish. i learned from my mom that the three-day sale at the mall nearby was still on and that my sister and my cousin went there to pass the time. since it was already my day off, i was looking forward to a dull weekend with no electricity. again, with nothing else to do, i dozed off to sleep.

friday afternoon, september 29th, 2:50PM: i was awakened with my mom entering the room and turning the electric fan on. there's electricity!! wow, how lucky can we get!! with relief setting in, i still continued to sleep. i woke up in the early evening, thinking that having electricity was just a dream, when in fact, was real. that changed my outlook for the weekend in a good way.

and to sum up the weekend, i went out to have the car cleaned up at a nearby car wash on saturday morning. luckily for them as well, they also have electricity. but not for the rest of the subdivision. ATMs were down, restaurants outside of the mall who don't have generators were closed, people were lining up in grocery stores, stocking up on food, water and candles, gas stations operating slowly therefore lines of cars were seen. i even saw people lining up behind an ice truck parked in front of a wet market buying ice! i then thought to myself how lucky we really were for having power restored earlier than expected. and i thank the powers that be for such a fate. whether it be divine intervention or the meralco people hard at work, again, it's sometimes better to be lucky than good.

that's enough for now. i'll be posting another entry tomorrow (hopefully) ranting about a couple of things that happened during the storm that just made me say, WTF? not in a funny way, but in a serious, ticked off way. i'll probably get some heat about it, but hey, i just want to air it out. until then, happy start-of-fourth-quarter day! =)