a glimpse of the year that was

another year has come and gone.  as what is normally being done during this time of the year, reflections and look-backs of this year spring about from television companies to newspapers to about almost everything that can be looked back on.  i used to do that on previous entries, but for this year, i'll just reflect on an accomplishment(s) and failure(s) i had for 2006.  although it is really nice to do some sort of countdown like what i posted last year, due to time constraints, i am unable to do so.  in any case, i might throw some things into the mix for i am writing this as i go along (like i mostly do with my entries, no drafts whatsoever).  so, here goes:

major accomplishment(s) for 2006 - there are not much things i did this year that are worthy of being called accomplishment, but if i were to name some things that i think are positively noteworthy are:  one, getting my nokia n90 phone; two, transferring blog sites; and three, almost getting a perfect attendance record for one year at work.  getting my current phone was a dream come true in itself.  i never thought i would see the day that i would purchase such a piece of electronic gadget, which is the most expensive personal item i got so far.  i initially thought of getting an n93 when it came out, but i felt that getting the n90 was a product of blood, sweat and tears from my previous company, so trading it in suddenly became out of the question and i plan to hold on to this phone (like i did in all the phones i bought) for as long as i can.  transferring my blog to i.ph from ebloggy.com is also one that i hold in high regard.  fully customizable templates and the pride of it being in dot ph got me sold.  plus the fact that i was able to transfer my previous entries (although manually) from the previous blog site added to the happiness i had in transferring over.  don't worry, i'll be including pictures on my entries soon.  and nearly having a perfect attendance record for one year is quite an achievement for my career.  never in my life had i imagined that i would go to the office everyday for one whole year. of course, it is inclusive of vacation leaves, but still, looking back at my track record for absences at work, although it's a little improvement from my last company, it's still something i am slightly proud of.

major failure(s) for 2006 - 2006 in general was a good year for me.  only two things come to mind about not getting or reaching for some things i needed, and they were:  one, losing weight and getting in shape; and two, not finding a significant other.  well, number two has been on the list of failures for a decade now (i celebrated 10 years of being single back in february) and i don't see any major improvement on the first quarter of 2007.  but still, friends are telling me that this coming year will be my year, and that they're setting me up with different women, yada, yada, yada…  i mean, not that i'm taking what they're doing for granted, no, not at all.  in fact i'm thrilled that they are so overly concerned about me having a lovelife that they're going through great lengths to make sure that i do.  it's just that i'm taking it one day at a time.  or rather, one date at a time.  i also have to remind myself that i'm now five months away from my deadline of getting married, or at least engaged, before turning 31 or else i'll adopt a kid to raise on my own.  but as they say, you can never tell.  with regards to losing weight, i already have a concrete plan which will start as soon as the third day of january.  i'll divulge the details soon enough, i just need to finalize some things before i formally get underway.  as i was telling brew earlier today, maybe getting myself in shape first would be the spark that ignites positive energy to come my way and, well, so too will the ladies.

there.  a quick look back at 2006.  chalk that up to the years labeled good.  and hopefully 2007 will be better.  i might not be posting until the latter part of the first week of january, or maybe the second week, but by then, things would've settled down after the holiday rush.  here's wishing everyone a safe, peaceful, injury-free and prosperous welcoming of the new year!! 

merry christmas!!

the greeting may be late, but hey, 'tis the season, right?  so to all bloggers, readers, and everyone out there, here's wishing you a very blessed and fruitful

merry christmas!!! 

christmas compromise

it's something that i hoped it would be better, but it's something i get nonetheless.  as they say, it's better to end up with something than nothing at all.  my boss and i had a talk a day (night) after i sent a lengthy, two-paragraph email the other day (night) about my decision to not report to work from the 24th to the 31st of this month (excluding my rest days on the 29th and 30th, plus the 25th, which our department didn't have any work scheduled), with or without their approval, including how i felt about the decision they handed down on the leaves on those dates.  i made it clear to her (them, including her counterpart-slash-partner), that it was a decision i made with such difficulty because of the perfect attendance record i had the whole year, which i was planning to complete, and the personal desire to spend the holidays with my family.  plus, that i had no personal ill-feelings towards them for that decision.  hey, i'm a manager myself, so i know how it feels to make a tough decision.  business is business, as they say.  she opened up the conversation by thanking me for expressing what i felt on that email and that it is highly appreciated.  she continued on by saying that it was an eye-opener for them on how to create a procedure to put in place same time next year.  but, she stopped short of granting approval of my request, saying that they wanted to avoid an issue wherein a decision was already made, and then suddenly there would be exceptions to the rule.  i completely understood where she was coming from.  again, my decision is not to undermine their authority or defy the decisions that they make.  it was, on my part, my own decision to not to report to work on those dates.

but then, my boss proposed a compromise.  she told me that i can be out on the 24th and the 31st, but have to report back to work on the 26th to the 28th.  she cited numerous reasons, including some important deliverables which i knew really had to be done.  and that those two dates won't be counted as VL, but i'll get paid nonetheless (like an sick leave).  it'll just be two occurrences of absences that will be reflected on me, but not enough to merit me a warning of some sort.

hey, i'm a level-headed, easy-to-talk-to guy.  so, i agreed to the compromise she offered.  at least i'll still be able to celebrate both holidays with my family.  in the end, everything worked out benefitting both of us.  i don't mind coming to work for three days on christmas/new year's eve week.  besides, the deliverables really, really, and i mean really have to be done by that week, so it's all good.  i'm officially feeling a lot better now, like a thorn was plucked from my arse.  here's looking forward to a wonderful christmas weekend, and i hope the same for all of you. 

let’s play tag

i've been tagged, so here goes…

A - Available or single:  BOTH!!  hehehehehehe!!!
B - Best friend:  two, actually.  one now lives in Singapore, but i still consider him as my best friend, Aris.  and the second one i consider my best friend is brew.
C - Cake or pie:  hmmm… good question.  i guess cake would do for me.
D - Drink of choice: pineapple juice
E - Essential item you use everyday:  my mobile phone
F - Favorite color: black, blue, green
G - Gummy bears or worms:  BOTH!! please let me have both!!!  hehehehehehe!!!
H - Hometown:  Paranaque City, Philippines
I - Indulgence:  music and sports
J - January or February:  january
K - Kids & names:  angelo vincent kyle and barbara nicole angela
L - Life is incomplete without?  a purpose
M - Marriage date:  none, but hoping that there would be one someday
N - Number of siblings:  two (2), a younger brother and sister
O - Oranges or apples:  apples
P - Phobias or fears:  cockroaches and sometimes heights
Q - Fave quote:  "we only have one life to live so live it to the fullest.  make the most out of it; makes mistakes, as long as you learn from them; love with everything in your heart as long as you know it's for real, even if you don't get the same in return; fight until your last breath, as long as it's worth fighting for; dare to change, as long as it's changing something for the better; pray solemnly, as long as you're sincere in what you're praying for; kick ass and kick it hard, as long as you know the ass you're kicking deserves it; laugh boisterously, as long as it's really funny; spend with everything you have, as long as you spend it wisely; say something, anything, and don't hold back as long as what you say is the truth and is what you really feel inside; work diligently, as long as it doesn't interfere with your personal wants and needs; play the game, as long as the game doesn't play you back; drink all you can, as long as you can still walk or drive home safely; eat merrily as long as it keeps you full, but not more than what you should; and best of all, fuck deeply, oftenly, and as long as it takes to make you satisfied, as well as your partner should."
R - Reason to smile:  the quote above.  everything embodies what i believe in.
S - Season:  christmas!!!
T - Tag 3 people:  cher, erlyn, and trina
U - Unknown fact about me:  i haven't tried or even tasted zagu… ever.
V - Vegetable you don’t like:  ampalaya
W - Worst habit:  oversleeping
X - X-rays:  a year ago
Y - Your fave food:  pasta!!!
Z - Zodiac sign:  gemini

vindication

it's a very good feeling when someone agrees with what you say.  moreover so, if what you have said is controversial to most people.  i have been getting unsavory remarks about what i posted about the verdict on the subic rape case.  yet, i didn't flinch for a second.  and what vindicates me is that a particular journalist, well, he's not just a journalist, but someone who is an icon to the oppressed and one of my favorite people because he speaks his mind out, whatever it may be, without fear.  why?  because he can.  the same way that i can, and our common link is freedom of expression.  and he was the one who inspired me to write the same way–no holds barred.

you can read ramon tulfo's take on the verdict at this link:  http://newsinfo.inquirer.net/inquirerheadlines/metro/view_article.php?article_id=38632

i feel better now, not that pissed anymore.  =)

closing the door… finally

it was an hour and a half past noon on a very warm and humid thursday, just as what was predicted.  the weather has been on and off lately, and it being the last month of the year doesn't seem to change things, even when christmas is just around the corner.  he had waited for this day to come, well, not nearly as it took him a couple of years to finally be able to do it.  he always thought that he would find the time to settle everything, only to realize that putting it off led to days becoming months, and months becoming years.  he had just had lunch with a colleague, and was now on his way to finish everything.

as he drove through christmas traffic, a lot of things came to mind.  memories of how things were at that time start to creep back and present itself as if the events were in front of him, like a video highlight of days past.  there were times where he struggled for the most part, felt sick about it, and didn't like what was happening, yet for the latter part, everything became so good that he felt being a part of something special.  and those times reminded him how blessed he was to be there, to take part in something that made him grow as a person, and how things have turned from something he nearly gave up, to something he almost couldn't let go.  yet there was the reality that things change, and that not everything is set in stone.  he had to let go and he had to go.  there was no changing that.  it was one of the hardest things he had to do, but for him to survive, and for him to become better, he had to.  yet the parting of ways wasn't as smooth as he hoped it would be.  his leaving was as sudden as he came in.  he still expected something in the end, but in order for him to get it, he had to make the first move.

he finally arrived at the place.  he was quite hesitant to approach where he needed to be, but he had already come this far to turn back now.  he gave his name to the person on the reception area and he was asked to take a seat and wait.  again, more memories came rushing back.  he caught himself smiling at times when a funny incident happened, and felt frowning when there were days when he wished could've been better.  but that's all in the past now.  what matters is, inevitable as it seems, is that things end now.  he felt nervous as his name was called, and he slowly approached the person who called him.  he was presented with papers to sign, and after browsing through it for a couple of seconds, put his pen to the paper and affixed his signature.  it was done.  his clearance from the company he worked for before his last one was finally settled, his final pay given in a form of a check.  it was bittersweet for him as he knew he no longer had any reason to come back to that place.  well, at least not in the next three to five years, or unless they come calling, offering him something he couldn't refuse.  but, as of now, their paths have crossed for the last time.  he left the building with a wry smile on his face, clutching the envelope with the check, satisfied with what he got (a plus to his christmas budget for sure), yet no amount can ever compensate for the time he spent with the people he worked with, for the experience itself was priceless.  he looked back as the glass door was closing, and he knew, right there and then, that he won't be opening those for a very long time.

on the first day of christmas…

i looked at the calendar today and realized that it's 12 days to go before christmas.  so if i were to sing the song "twelve days of christmas," day one would be today.  no, wait, if i were to count christmas day itself, then day one would fall on thursday.  that's what happens when you hate math and math hates you.  but, whatever.  what's more startling is that i'm 10% done with my christmas shopping.  well, at least for gifts i'll be giving to the people on my list this year.

i went to greenhills this past sunday, supposedly to do my christmas shopping, but i ended up buying additional wardrobe for myself.  mental note:  never ask or let your mom and your sister come with you when you do your christmas shopping.  chances are, you'll end up worrying about how they're keeping up with where you're going rather than checking the items on your list.  and that's what happened.  don't get me wrong, i enjoy being with them.  but only on normal days when we go to the mall or do the grocery.  christmas shopping should be an exception to the rule.  especially when you have plans of buying gifts for them.  oh well, lesson learned.

is it just me or is traffic at this time of the year better than the same time last year?  i hardly noticed any traffic jams over the weekend, well, not withstanding the non-stop rain we had this past sunday, but if memory serves me right, traffic on early december of last year was already a nightmare.  is it better because less people are out shopping, or is it bad because people in general don't spend time for christmas shopping anymore, thus slowly eroding the christmas spirit?  i dunno, i'm an optimist, yet a realist sometimes so i wouldn't know what to make of it.

there's an unwritten item in my christmas wishlist this year.  well, it has always been (not) there since, like, two years ago.  nope, it's not what you're normal mind would conceive.  oh well, hope that one gets finally written off this year.  if not, there's still my birthday this coming year.  though that would entail another five months of… more searching?

the sun is up, the weather is fine, the spirit is in the air, christmas is here… at least there's something for me to smile about.

blog archive

just an FYI, i have completed transferring all of my entries from my previous blog to this one, right down to the posting date and time.  unfortunately, i cannot say the same for the comments since there is no way to edit the dates when the comment was made.  although i still have all the comments saved in a separate file for reference purposes.  so feel free to browse through my previous entries and add a new comment if you wish.

another thing, i added a line on my previous entry (highlighted in bold letters) clarifying my stand on what i believe what happened.  some who read my blog and approached me instead of posting a comment may have misunderstood me, but hey, i've had this argument before on saying what i want to say on my own blog and i'm not about to start that all over again.  no one can dampen my christmas mood. 

of credibility and pity

disclaimer:  the following may (will) contain offensive material about actual events.  for those who don't have an open mind, please do not read any further.  risk of libel lawsuits being filed may be present, but the owner/writer invokes the right to free speech, and that this material/medium is considered private property and that the owner/writer has the absolute right to do anything and write anything with it (hereby referred by the writer as blog immunity).  the owner's/writer's sentiments does not necessarily reflect the general view of a majority or a minority, but by his own personal view(s) on the subject matter.

the recently concluded subic rape trial ended without that much hype and anticipation as, let's say, manny pacquiao versus erik morales, or the nation's hunger for an asian games gold medal, or the public's anticipation of when will prices of gasoline go down again by half a peso, or what will miriam defensor-santiago say next, or when will i be having a girlfriend (yeah, like that is a matter of national security).  at least for the parties concerned and those close to them, the trial was something that is a matter of life or death.  what's surprising though (at least for me) is there is not much reaction from the public about the verdict.  maybe because (and i'm about 95% sure) almost everyone is busy with the holiday season.  not that they don't give a damn about it, but they're just too preoccupied with preparing for christmas and new year's (that's one thing i love about filipinos, they celebrate the holidays like there's no tomorrow).

my reaction to the verdict is that i vehemently don't agree with it.  at least for the accused who was sentenced to life imprisonment.  i don't think, wait, let me rephrase that.  i believe that there was no actual rape committed by the accused, much less an attempt.  what i believe is that it was a night out that went sour, not because there was an attempt to rape the victim (note that i'll be having the word victim italicized, with reasons being so to be tackled later on), but consensual sex gone wrong.  points that were missed out were, one; the victim being drunk at the bar itself when she was asked by the accused and the group to join them.  she wasn't forced to drink by the group, but she intentionally consumed alcohol to the point of being drunk, so her accusation that she was forced to drink alcohol should be out of the question.  secondly, tell me, how can a crime such as rape happen when the victim initially agrees to do it with the accused and the accused has even time to put on some protection and suddenly, the victim backs out?  and the reason for backing out?  well, we may never know.  my friends who agree with me were joking that the reason she backed out was the accused was packing and that the victim couldn't take it in, so to speak.  and that the condom was used as evidence when in fact, it was never even used in the sense that there was actual penetration.  for all we know, the semen recovered from the condom was pre-cum.  hey, that could be very possible.  thirdly, just because the victim was dropped on a dark road and left for dead doesn't mean that after the so-called rape was committed, she was just thrown to the side of the street, wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am style.  again, the victim was drunk and could have acted hysterically when she didn't agree to the consensual sex to the point that she was getting quite rowdy inside the van, so the group had no other choice but to stop and put her on the street.  bringing her home, or to a hospital, or even to a police station would create more suspicion that an actual rape was committed.  fourth, according to the medical report, there were signs of intercourse on the victim's private areas.  remember, she filed the case i think after a couple of days or a week after the incident.  for all we know she could have done it with someone else prior to filing the complaint to make the medical reports accurate.  unlike child rape cases, contusions on the private area of the child can be visible after days, even weeks after the rape was committed since it was forced penetration, but with the victim, her private parts are more, equipped (for lack of a better term) to handle intercourse that signs of it would disappear at least after one to two days.  so, in order for a rape to be medically valid, she could've coerced someone to do it with her to appear in the medical report that there was indeed, actual penetration, thus pushing the accused further into being guilty.  i believe that those four valid points could have overturned the case.

now, let's go to the victim.  from day one of the case, i didn't see anything believable in what she was saying.  that is why i labeled her as such, an italicized title which distorts the real definition of someone who was wronged.  just because she became sober enough and humiliated enough, she automatically filed rape charges against the accused and the group?  what was she trying to convey?  that when she was thrown to the street, drunk and half-naked, that she felt insulted and decided to exact revenge by making a story that she was raped?  well, for me, she almost got away with it.  almost.  if only she was consistent with her claim, and if not for her background prior to the incident (that she was partygirl according to some witnesses at the club where she was first spotted, and that those witnesses' accounts were not taken in as evidence), she could've made a believer out of me.  and for god's sakes, what does she do every time she appears on tv about the trial?  she cries.  plain and simple.  filipinos have a very soft spot for crying, especially women.  now when the victim cried in front of at least a million people, that would be enough for women's groups, cause-oriented groups, anti-american groups, leftist groups, rightist groups, and publicity groups to smell blood in the water and cash in by supporting the victim outright.  she was thinking that her inconsistency may not win in court, but public sympathy will.  don't get me wrong, i also have a soft spot for women who are crying, but i can see one who is trying to steer public opinon and one who is sincere and honest in her emotions.  i say this with finality:  the victim crying in public won the case, hands down.  it didn't matter if there was evidence supporting the crime, but when, in between tears, the victim said that she was raped, you would automatically know what the verdict would be.  i say it again, i believe there was NO actual rape that happened that night.  the victim said "no" when consensual sex was about to begin, the accused did not force himself on her, so the group just dropped her off.  the story that the victim made was all fabricated becasue she felt she was humiliated.

not that i'm in favor of the accused, no, not at all.  i only feel sorry for the accused because he became the real victim of a mistrial.  i'm citing inconsistencies in the victim's testimonies and the evidence presented.  plus the fact that trial by publicity was predominant.  that is one major flaw of the justice system here in the philippines.  some judges (take note, i say some) don't have the guts (not balls since there are honorable women judges) to view a case purely using context and not be distracted by emotional and outside factors.  it's just sad that this particular trial showcased that flaw in remarkable fashion.

now that the verdict has been handed out, even if i didn't agree with it, i thought that the victim would just shut the hell up.  but no, she continued to shoot her mouth off, thus making her more in-credible.  now she's saying that she feels sorry for the accused?  what the hell?  rape victims seldomly, and i mean seldomly, feel sorry for the accused.  just last week before the verdict was handed down, she was crying for a guilty verdict.  and she was screaming for him to be put behind bars.  now, suddenly she feels sorry for him?  if memory serves me right, victims of rape who feel sorry for the accused usually stem from the two of them having some sort of past relationship.  does this mean that in this case, the victim and the accused have, or had something before?  again, the victim's inconsistency is coming to play.  it would be more understandable if the victim felt sorry for the accused after a couple of years.  but to feel so after the verdict has been handed down?  that's a new one on me.  and one more thing, she said that she wanted to start life out of the country, and i quote, "so as not to have that stigma of being the 'victim' in a sensationalized rape case."  of course you want to leave the country and start a new life outside!  primarily because you know, deep inside of you, that you sent an innocent man to prison and that people, no matter how many, believe so just because you made up such a story in order for that to happen!  no matter where you go in this country, there will always be people who didn't believe you from day one and you're afraid of facing such people and the real truth.  so your backup plan?  of course to leave the country.  way to go "nicole," way to go.

come to think of it, i think one reason of the trial not having the hype or anticipation is that there is really a bloc that believes that the accused is innocent.  they just kept silent of voicing their disagreement of the verdict out of the victim being a filipina and the accused, an american.  this is just one example of pity being used to boost credibility.  so much for patriotism and real justice.

which is which?

my good friend trina and i were talking about a question our common colleague-slash-friend asked her last friday morning.  actually we were both contemplating on posting a blog entry about it and we sort of like, "ok, let's see who's the first one to post about that topic," kind of thing.  she claimed that since she was the one who was asked that question first, she should automatically have the "rights" to that topic.  to which in turn, i replied, "ok, you first post that topic and i'll just piggyback on it."  true enough, she did.  although i have placed my thoughts on her comments section, i still can't help thinking about that question that was brought up during the weekend.  so, i decided to write down my thoughts on it.  it's something, as what she said, like of a mid-life crisis sort of question which revolves around one's personal and emotional well-being(s).  it may be mush, it may be not, but not to delay everyone's anticipation, the million dollar question was:

"which is better, looking for someone you cannot find, or waiting for someone you cannot have?"

i honestly felt the same way as she did when she popped that question to me.  i moved to answer, but was stopped short because of conflicting analogies.  i came to terms with the answer i gave her on her blog on saturday, and i leave it to your initiative whether to read it or not, as i dare not post it here due to, well, redundancy (i think, if i'm using the word correctly, because what's the point of placing a comment on a person's entry when you have plans of saying the same thing on your own blog; so better post a comment about the subject on one person's blog and use a different analogy on yours).  i studied the question further after posting that comment, and realized that one has a slight advantage over the other.  that, being the latter.  why?  because at least that someone will eventually come your way.  you can see, talk, hear and do everything but have that person.  compared to trying to look for someone all your life who you cannot eventually find.  compared to you spend time and effort doing everything humanly possible to search that person, only to end up with nothing.  now, with that being said, i rephrased that million dollar question into:

"which is better, looking for someone you cannot find, or waiting for someone who would never come?"

makes more sense, doesn't it?  i literally stopped moving upon that question forming in my head (right around 4:32 in the afternoon of sunday while trying to get some sleep).  it's like being tied up, knowing that you cannot move, yet you think to yourself, "i'll see if i can move," but before that thought ever comes to fruition, you already stop it right there and then because either way, you're right back where you started–being tied up–and knowing that you cannot move.  looking at my personal life at present, using that question as a barometer of sorts, i guess i would place myself right smack in the middle.  i have had my share of finding the right woman for me, and have failed numerous times, and also had my share of waiting for that woman of my life to come, with a few coming along, only to realize not even one of them came close to being that woman, or it did, but it's something that just wasn't meant to be.  same goes with friends who give me advice.  they would say, "don't stop looking, just keep your head up high and go on," or "don't worry, she'll come along soon enough."  for a 30-year-old, hopeless romantic guy like me, sometimes, throwing in the towel is the last resort that is fast becoming a viable option.

so, right back where we started.  which is which?

stupid mid-life crisis…

and for those who are wondering, yes, i'm still pissed.