"sometimes, being single is much better not because i want to stay away from commitments and be free to flirt or go out with anyone i like, but it is more on accepting the fact that i'm just too tired of believing in and fighting for something that isn't meant to be."

Home » Archives » 05. May 2007

31-on-31 #5: poetic justice

Saturday, May 5th, 2007

i started writing poems back in college.  i didn't have much of a so-called college life back then (partying, going out, randomly cutting class, etc.).  i was a typical, just-another-face-in-the-crowd, lying-low, org-insignificant college boy.  yeah, boring, i know.  yet i did have my share of adventures and misadventures as well.  but i guess the two main phases of my college life was my ex-girlfriend and being a working student, with the former being the main reason and driving force behind putting unspoken and raw emotions into paper (i didn't have a computer back then).  i have written quite a few–i would call them outbursts–poems and it's only when i showed it to some close friends later on, realized that i may have something close to being a talent or skill.  i continued writing poems after college, yet not as often as i used to.  mind you, i only write poems when i'm in an emotional state of mind.  emotional being throwing reason out the front door and relying on pure guts and feeling, not giving a rat's ass as to what right and wrong were.  you can't just approach me and go, "hey, how about writing a poem about, say, how life sucks?"  i would give you a beating so hard that you'll be able to write one saying how you wish your life doesn't suck.  it just doesn't work that way.  call it a poetic trance, if you like.

 

on this installment of the 31-on-31 series, i'll be posting the very first poem i wrote after college.  it's free verse, so there's none of that rhyming shit.  it was written on the night of march 12th, 1998, 11:32pm to be exact (i put time stamps on my works).  some of my friends are actually familiar with this poem, and i remember one of them (may he rest in peace) posting it on a now defunct personal website.  without further delay, here's one piece of myself being made public (technically for the second time).  hope everyone has a good weekend.

 

casualty of love

by markie - written at 11:32 pm, 3/12/98 

 

I'm a casualty of love
in a battle that I fought
where you have everything to gain,
and everything to lose.

I'm a casualty of love
brought by hatred and darkness,
of torment and anger
of the ever-changing foe.

I'm a casualty of love
I fought with all my strength, all my life,
with all my heart, with all my will
and yet, I failed.

I'm a casualty of love
amidst the pain repeatedly brought to me
I stood on open ground
and faced it with integrity.

I am a casualty of love
fought with odds against me
yet I never gave up
and fought till the end.

I'm a casualty of love
forever wondering what went wrong
knowing what I did was right
with the noblest of intentions.

I'm a casualty of love
with wounds that run deep
forever changing my life
with scars only you can heal.

I'm a casualty of love
dreaming of victory
and a life of happiness,
but only loneliness will come my way.

I'm a casualty of love
as I lie in defeat,
I knew I gave it my all
for her to be with me.

I couldn't give myself to another
for she is the only one that I truly desire.
Yet there is a next time, next life perhaps
where we can be together.

And yet if I am called once again
to fight from the very start,
God only knows that this casualty of love
will never hesitate and will rise and fight once again.

 

Posted by markie at 11:51 am | permalink | comments[1]