misguided perception

the date today happens only once every four years so i’m taking advantage and making my voice heard about the hottest topic in the country today.  i have said time and again that i’m not that much into politics, but it doesn’t mean that i don’t keep myself updated with what’s going on in the political sector.  after carefully reviewing and analyzing all the noisemakers’ explanations about what they’re saying–thanks to being out of work and constantly being at home–i’m adding my own two cents worth into the well which i believe, is already filled to the brim with the entire filipino online community’s own contributions.

first off, how does mister rodolfo "jun" lozada’s coming out with the allegations that people in high places profited from a botched government project affect me?  i for one believe him.  not because of his "theatrics" or "trying-hard-to-be-a-local-soap-opera-dramatic-actor" antics of crying in front of national television, but by the consistency of his statements.  lots of other "witnesses" or people directly or indirectly involved with the whole scandal have vehemently issued statement after statement, only to change them and tell another story.  when the entire country is focused on you, you have to be consistent in what you say in public.  if you’re telling a lie (whether you were told to, or just protecting your own ass), then stick to your guns all throughout.  in this way, people would not think about your intentions or doubt which story you’re telling is true or not.  mister lozada’s revalations opened a whole can of worms and exposed how government officials have been doing side businesses using government funded projects and making money out of the taxpayers which has been happening for a long time now, believe me.

second, do i believe that the president, on allegations of also receiving some kind of profit from the dysfunctional government contract, should resign?  the answer is a big fat NO.  but that doesn’t mean that the president enjoys my support.  first and foremost, proper constitutional procedures of justice should be utilized.  if that means having another impeachment trial, then so be it.  i’m not clamoring for the president to resign.  what i’m clamoring for is for the president to submit herself to an impeachment court and clear her name.  do what her predecessor was unable to accomplish:  run the whole course of the trial.  if she’s saying that she or her family did not profit from any government deal, then she should use her executive powers to organize an impeachment trial for herself and members of her family.  in this way, any respect left in the eyes of ordinary citizens for her would stay, and might win her even more sympathizers, err, supporters along the way.  her resignation, snap elections, or so-called "people power" is not the solution to the current political crisis hovering on the country.

third, what do i think of numerous groups calling for a so-called "new people power" to oust the president or ask her to step down and resign?  honestly, they’re spitting in the face of democracy.  we have endured 20 years of dictatorial rule and fought for democracy to be restored only to be trampled on again by mob rule?  what have we become?  the first people power was the most legitimate one made and is the filipino people’s legacy to the world.  we were under a dictatorship and 20 years of hardship was enough.  democracy was restored which we are enjoying today.  i was quite skeptical about the second people power, but i cannot change history.  i could, however, point out that before those two people power movements were made, there was one common event that happened:  a duly legal procedure took place.  in 1986, elections were held, and after mass fraud was seen by elections officers, it led to people power one.  in 2001, an impeachment process was going on, and when the senate jury refused to have one of the evidences presented, voila, people power part two.  today, is there a legal and constitutional procedure taking place in light of these allegations to the president that is being compromised?  i don’t think so.  the current senate investigation is hardly a procedure that would not even make the president think twice of not showing up.  see where i’m getting at?  these so-called "interfaith rallies," and "youth act now" movements, or declarations of a "gloria-free zone" at colleges and universities are just adding bad insult to an otherwise weak and injured democracy.  my message to them:  let the rule of law be precedent before the "sovereignity of the people" is called upon.  instead of pressuring and asking the president to resign, call for an impeachment trial or urge the president to submit herself to an investigation.  that is why we have legal and constitutional procedures.  we cannot always have mob rule run amuck when we’re not satisfied with what’s going on with the government.  otherwise, what we fought for as a nation back in 1986 has really gone to the dogs.  i applaud the catholic bishops’ conference of the philippines for not adding fuel to the deadly fire going on by joining the bandwagon clamoring for the ouster of the president.  i have always perceived the catholic church to be too involved in matters of state, which it should not be.  but their latest stance on the ongoing political crisis somehow restored a little respect back to themselves.

to conclude, let me add one more thing.  in the ongoing senate investigations of the witnesses involved in this scandal, i am so appalled with the notion that even the personal lives of these witnesses will be subject for scrutiny as well.  i mean, what the holy fuck?!  what has the witness’ personal life have to do with what is being investigated?  what one does in his or her personal life which is outside of government or business dealings is a matter privy only to him or her and is should absolutely not be included in the hearings.  so what if mister lozada has another family aside from what he currently has?  was that part of the conversation about the government contract?  so what if any of the other witnesses watches porn every tuesdays and thurdays or cross-dresses every other weekend?  does that really matter?  people conduct themselves differently in different situations.  so please, for the love of all that is good and beautiful left in this world, leave what is personal to the witnesses alone and focus on what’s on the table.

in saying these things, i may be only one person, but i sincerely believe that mine has the voice of reason and that of a thinking man’s objective.  some people easily get swayed by what they see or hear and act blindly.  what’s more sad is that politicians are exploiting these people and pretend to side with them only to have an ulterior motive of their own.  i don’t believe that another people power is in the works.  but here’s a fair warning:  if this so-called "new people power" succeeds and manages to oust the president, then we would earn the ire of the entire world.  we should then abolish the constitution and have just one principle:  mob people rules.  would you then, be proud to call yourself a filipino?

a post-valentine story: the letter that was never sent

dear ******,

i guess you receiving this letter won’t come as a surprise anymore.  well, to you at least.  with all the talk going around, i suppose that in one way or another, it’ll either lead to this or a personal confrontation.  but believe me when i say that i’d rather talk to you personally about what’s going on rather than resort to this.  but before i explain how it came to this, i believe a much more detailed explanation is needed to answer all of the questions you might have must come first.

i’ve had these feelings for you for a long time now.  it started out as a simple fondness, likeness, or a "crush" to put it in cheesier terms.  but at that time, you were still with your ex-boyfriend, while i was going through issues with another girl though i was technically single at that time.  but that’s a whole different story.  i first told someone else about having a "crush" on you in passing to a friend but was told that you already had a boyfriend and that i should find someone else.  this was around a couple of months after we’ve met.  true enough, i was able to dismiss those feelings and continued to live my life as normal.  i guess fate first played tricks on me when i was assigned to your team when you got promoted.  i was excited to work with and for you, and even if i still liked you as a person, i honestly never went overboard and treated you more as a friend second, and a superior first.  things were going quite well at that time.  we would have lots of conversations when i would often drop by your station during times that work was not too hectic, both about work and non-work related stuff.  i always conducted myself professionally and never took advantage of my likeness for you.  i guess that during those times, i got to know you more as a person during our conversations even when i was not under your supervision anymore.

things started to turn to a different direction when i learned about the situation your ex got into.  i could not believe what i heard, and i thought immediately about talking to you.  but i was told that you’re putting forward a straight face at work as if nothing happened and refused to talk about it.  i may not exactly know the feeling you were going through, but i understand how horrible that fix might’ve been towards you and god knows how much i wanted to be there for you and be a shoulder to cry on.  though i see you everyday at work being your usual self, i know deep down inside you just want to scream and get mad at the world for what he has done to you.  but still, you went about being business as usual.  we still had our conversations, though we did not touch on that personal subject.  i deeply admired your courage and having your son as your inspiration to move forward and not letting you be distracted by what happened.

it was a couple more months after that incident happened when my feelings for you grew from likeness to much, much more.  i saw that you were already working too much for your own good.  and even though i know and understand that you were trying to keep yourself distracted with the personal problems you were having, i wanted so much to even just talk to you and maybe help you let out those frustrations buried deep down inside you.  i wanted to take care of you after what you have been through.  i badly wanted to be that person you can always believe you can run to at the end of the day and give you all the love and support you wanted and missed.  i wanted to bring back that sweet smile after what has happened.  but the one thing i was concerned about was that your wounded heart hasn’t yet healed so i opted to wait until such a time when i think you would be ready.  but while doing so, i may have made the first of a series of mistakes that i shouldn’t have made:  i admitted to some people that i liked you more than as a colleague and friend.  i trusted those people to keep things between ourselves, but i guess i shouldn’t have been too trusting.  i initially had plans of setting up situations wherein we could talk outside of the office since this is a personal matter, but i understand that you also had a life and a son outside of the office to come home to, and i didn’t know how and when to put a person such as myself in between.  those people asked me if you having a kid would be a problem, and i told them that it never crossed my mind that your son would be an issue if we were to be together.  i was encouraged to pursue my feelings for you since they told me that we would be perfect together.  mistake number two:  i rode with the hype which instilled a false sense of confidence and security within me about our chances of being together.

as time went on, i received word that you already knew about everything.  i noticed the sudden change in you and your approach towards me.  we hardly ever talk, and when i do initiate a conversation, you would either end it quickly or just get to the point of the conversation.  i’d be lying if i said that it didn’t affect me, but it did.  i miss our conversations and the way things were before all of this happened, but i know that all the fault was mine.  i didn’t tell you up front about it and instead, paraded my fantasies to people who i thought i trusted until such time that you were the last to know, when in fact you should’ve been the first.  third and biggest mistake.  but i believe it’s never too late to apologize.  yet if you think so, then i know there’s nothing i can do to change that.  but by finally doing this in place of taking that first step of telling you everything which i realized i should’ve done a long time ago, i hope i could salvage what little respect i may have left in your eyes.  again, i really wanted all of this to be said in person, but i know that with everything that’s happened, talking about a personal matter to me of all people would be the last thing you wanted to happen.

there.  i have said everything.  i’m not expecting anything anymore, now that things between us aren’t the way it used to be.  yet i don’t blame you, i blame myself.  i’ll be thankful if we can still talk and put things in perspective, but i suppose that’ll be of wishful thinking on my part already.  i don’t know of a proper way to close this, so i’ll make it as simple as i can.  i apologize.  to you, and for everything that has happened that not just affected you, but with people around you.  i’m not asking to be forgiven, since i have no right to do so.  telling you what i have felt and what i’m feeling is enough for me.  and even though we’re still working together, i understand that it’ll just be that way.  no more, no less.  and finally, thank you for taking the time to read this.  it is much appreciated.

sincerely,

******

the letter was dated november 12th, 2007.  for reasons he still couldn’t figure out why or how, he never got to send the letter.  maybe it was, or rather, wasn’t meant to be.  but maybe that was the irony of it all.  in this day and age perhaps he thought that true and pure love rarely gets going, and that everything is superficial.  yet deep inside, there’s always that side of him that unwavers in taking a chance to find that true and destined someone, even if it means risking his heart to be broken again.  the question is, until when will he go on and last?

blissfully hopeful

i know it’s been a while since i last posted an entry.  it’s really ironic that now that i have lots and lots of free time on my hands, i’m supposed to be online most of the time, writing stuff.  but that’s just it.  i’m enjoying the free time that i have recharging my tired and weary body and getting myself ready for whatever job comes next that i just spend most of the time at home catching up on watching tv and keeping myself updated with current events.  of course i have attended interviews here and there, but results haven’t been given back to me yet.  yet there is this one company i applied in which i hope (with fingers crossed) i get accepted.  i’m not going to divulge the details just yet, for it just might spoil the momentum i have going on right now.  just thinking about what the interviewer told me about the kind of atmosphere and work that they have made me really excited to start right away.  not that i was sales talked into agreeing to everything that was said, but thinking about the experiences and challenges i went through, coupled with the kind of work that’ll be offered to me (if ever), and the other nitty-gritty details, made me giddy as a school boy.  i’m continuing to hope and pray that everything goes well with this one.

the only negative aspect of having this much free time is that i’m losing money!  mind you, my ass is home everyday, but the everyday expenses are taking it’s toll on the remaining resources i have left.  the only time i went out was to watch cloverfield two weeks ago with my sister (which was a good movie by the way).  which is why i’m hoping to get a new job soon to replenish my depleting account.  thank god for credit cards though.  never thought i’d be relying on plastic to keep myself afloat despite with all the things needed at home.

it’s valentine’s week, but for a single person such as me, it doesn’t mean squat.  the only thing i’m celebrating is my mobile phone’s third year anniversary.  so i guess that will be my date on the day of hearts…  weird, eh?  anyways, hope every one of you will have a happy valentine’s with whoever or whatever you spend it with.  enjoy the rest of the week!