"sometimes, being single is much better not because i want to stay away from commitments and be free to flirt or go out with anyone i like, but it is more on accepting the fact that i'm just too tired of believing in and fighting for something that isn't meant to be."

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weekend rant

Saturday, July 17th, 2010

I guess there’s some truth to the notion that one negative feeling is enough to shoot down all the positive vibes there are… or something like that.  I was supposed to write part two of my Boracay breakaway today, but after what happened waking up today–on a weekend of all days, i felt the need to rant a bit.

 

I admit, things are not going well for me professionally–not to mention personally, but that’s an entirely different story altogether–over the last two years and some months.  But that doesn’t stop me from treading on and keep on going on the direction I believe would lead me back to the kind of success I’ve had.  I believe that things happen for a reason and what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger.  And that in times of struggles and challenges, you look to your closest ones for support and strength, only to find a hidden frustration and throwing back the blame at you for what has happened.

 

I was still groggy from waking up when I came down to have a semi-late breakfast at about 8:30 this morning.  I turned on the TV and caught the movie “21″ on HBO.  It just started, and wanting to see again how gorgeous Kate Bosworth is in this one, I thought to myself, “what a good way to start the day.”  Then out of nowhere I was bombarded with “get yourself some short-term training courses, maybe you need to change to something different like computer repairs because your managerial skills might not be enough.”  I immediately sensed the very, very, very negative feelings that came with that statement.  Not wanting to get distracted to a good start to the day visually, I continued on with my breakfast while watching the TV.

 

Then came the sweeping remark:  “if you hadn’t left HSBC, things would’ve been better for you.  If you sacrificed your principles, you could’ve been promoted already like your other colleagues.  You shouldn’t go against your superiors or bosses, even if they’re wrong and/or your principles are right because it’s your job that could be affected.”  That, in it’s blunt and simple form, killed whatever positive vibe I had accumulated in a couple of minutes.  I just kept quiet as memories of events long forgotten and buried deep in my subconsciousness suddenly emerged like mushrooms after a lightning storm.  By this time, I resorted to tweeting what I felt (which I suppose some of you have already read) to relieve my sudden increase in frustrations.

 

Let me make one thing perfectly clear:  I never or have never regretted any of the decisions I’ve made in my entire professional career, and I’m not about to start now.  I may have made bad career decisions in the past, but that doesn’t mean I cry to the high heavens, dwell on it, and wallow in “oh, woe is me, what will my life be now?”  What I do is I live with it like a man, own up to it, suck it up, take whatever positive things that can be taken from it, and move forward, simple as that.  Yes, things may not be the same as what they were, but I still believe that there will be better things out there if I just be patient.  Think positive, be positive, stay positive.  It’s not that I lack the effort or that I don’t try, believe me, I do.  Those who really know me understand that yes, I may be frustrated with what’s happening in my current situation, but I choose not to show it and instead, focus all my frustrations in trying to make it better.  There’s no point in having self-pity or any kind of pity be thrown your way.  At the end, it’s how you do things that matter.

 

Now, let me go back a bit on what was mentioned about “principle.”  The problem with most of us–well, Filipinos at least–is that we’re all talk about having the right principle.  Stand up for this, down with that, do the right thing, blah, blah, blah.  But in reality, when it comes down to tight situations, it breaks down.  We give up principle in exchange for something that is sure in nature.  I would’ve wasted 14 years of good quality education–and ironically enough, good parenting–if I would’ve done things in the opposite way with what went down at HSBC.  I admit, I was keen on letting my superior that time get away with what he did me wrong, but I wouldn’t have forgiven myself.  I wouldn’t be even half the shell of the person I am inside if I done it.  That is why I really don’t regret what I’ve done.  I stood up for what I believed was right and true.  And even if it isn’t popular and things may have been different for me ever since career-wise, I would do the exact same thing if I were in the exact same situation.  Bet on it.

 

There goes my rant for this weekend.  I don’t want to say anything more since I think I’ve said enough… at least about this issue.  I don’t want to blow the issue out of proportion more that it already has.  Moving forward, I’ll just be what I mentioned:

 

Think positive, be positive, stay positive.

 

Enjoy the weekend, everyone.

 

Posted by markie at 12:09 pm | permalink | Add comment

Boracay breakaway (part one)

Thursday, July 1st, 2010
Until now, almost a month after that surprise vacation I had, and i’m still speechless.  Memories of the sights, sounds, and the atmosphere of Boracay are still fresh on my mind as if I was just there yesterday.  Those 8 days are the most unforgettable vacation days I’ve ever had, so far, hands down.
 
It all started when a relative from Germany, brought her 28-year-old son who hasn’t seen the Philippines, over for a vacation.  Little did I know that they were having Boracay on their plans, much less tagging me along.  They arrived on May 31, wanting to see the fiesta in our native province of Batangas.  We were tasked to pick them up and drive straight to Batangas from the airport to see what’s left of the festivities.  We spent the night there and headed back to Manila the next day.  But before we left, my aunt asked me to my surprise if I can spare at least one week to accompany them to Boracay!  I was shocked at the proposal, and with not enough funds to cover for an entire week, i respectfully declined.  But her next reply made me even more surprised.  “Don’t worry, i’ll take care of everything.”  I was stunned silent at this, and not knowing what to say, told her to give me a couple of days to think it over.  Part of me was thinking, “here’s an all-expense paid vacation to that one place you’ve been dreaming of going and you’ll say ‘i’ll think about it?’  What are you, nuts?!”  To be honest, I really didn’t want to be like a third wheel in their plans.  That’s the reason for my initial hesitation.  Yet, she accepted my reply and promised to get in touch with me in a couple of days.
 
That vacation proposal was on my mind the entire time since arriving home from Batangas.  And true enough, I wanted to go.  The luster of an all-expense paid vacation was too much to resist.  But I still had the problem of pocket money.  News of the planned vacation spread like wildfire in our immediate family.  Another cousin of mine based in London offered to shoulder the pocket money.  It’s like a chance of a lifetime!  Still, I struggled with the idea.  But I was leaning towards wanting to go.  I spent literally hours just going over it over and over again.  Thursday, June 3rd, my aunt called up, asking for my answer.  With a half-excited and half-nervous mind, I said that i’d be happy to go along.  She also was glad to hear that since she wanted someone to be with her son exploring Boracay.  So the plan was set.  We were set to leave on the morning of June 8th, a Tuesday.  I was still having mixed reactions as the conversation ended.  I guess it still didn’t sink in at that time that i’m finally going to Boracay.
 
Days went by as fast as i couldn’t have imagined.  I literally started packing about almost a day and a half before the flight.  I remember having a very busy Monday and I was still scrambling for items i needed to bring the afternoon before we leave.  Being my first time to fly locally, I didn’t know that the passport wasn’t even needed as I asked my mom where it was!  All i needed, i was told, was a valid ID.  Having flown three times internationally, I was accustomed to having the passport with me.  I even Googled it if it was true!  Call me silly, but hey, honestly, I really didn’t know.
 
I was brought to the airport by my mom and aunt at around 6AM.  Our flight was scheduled at 8:55AM.  I met up with Tita Baby and John shortly after.  I was told then that we will be first traveling to Roxas City then off to Boracay the next day.  I didn’t mind as it’ll be my first time as well to visit Roxas City.  Poor John though, he had become sick the day prior and was nursing a fever and occasional bouts of LBM.  But there’s no stopping the vacation plans, according to my aunt.  After getting our boarding passes, we proceeded to the waiting area.  Being also my first time at the airport (Terminal 3), i found it to be very nice, compared to the one I was used to seeing.  Upon reaching the waiting area, I remember a very jumpy feeling inside me as I took my seat to wait for boarding.  “This is really happening!”  was constantly running through my head.  John used a row of seats to lie down and rest.  Poor kid, I thought to myself, he’s been here a week and he’s gotten sick.  My aunt and I had a couple of conversations while waiting.  Just before the scheduled boarding time arrived, we were told that the flight will be delayed due to additional aircraft maintenance.  We were okay with it at first, but that announcement would come two more times.  I said to myself, “my first local flight, and it’ll be delayed twice?  Am I a jinx or somethin’?”  But there was nothing we could do.  What was supposed to be an 8:55AM departure time was pushed to 12:00NN.
 
Boarding time finally arrived and as we were headed to the plane, my excitement started to grow.  I did a good job of hiding it though, as I looked normal on the outside.  My first local flight, and what will be the farthest local destination I’ll be heading to since Puerto Galera back in 2007 can’t escape my thoughts.  Roxas City, here we come!
 
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